You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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