He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
