I have demons in me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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