They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
