quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
