Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am one with the molecules
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
