you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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