somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
