4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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