Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
