I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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