I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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