so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
