Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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