Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
