In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
