Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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