So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
