i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
