whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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