tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
