I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
