She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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