how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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