i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
