Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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