1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
