I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
