If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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