He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
