im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
