I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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