as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
