YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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