I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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