You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
