fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
