May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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