I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
