So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
