Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
