and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
