she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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