I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
