Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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