found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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