I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
