We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
