Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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