Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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