So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
